I'm going through something that I probably don't understand...I presume its a form of self discovery...that never ending journey. I purposed to read as many inspirational articles in line with being authentic. I'd like to share one that I read today that just spoke to me so specifically. I felt like someone was reading my life.
The article is by Jennifer Boykin at the change blog:
The article is by Jennifer Boykin at the change blog:
How Breaking the Rules Taught Me to Trust Myself
Remember that fable about the Emperor’s New Clothes?
In it, a pretentious emperor who is overly in love with himself and his
finery is fooled by shifty tailors who make a fortune tricking him into
believing he’s wearing the most exquisite finery in all the land. In fact, it’s
so exquisite, only the most educated and refined people can actually even see
it.
The emperor can’t see it, of course. But his pride doesn’t allow him to
speak that truth.
Instead, he orchestrates a parade so he can prance about before the
commoners in his charge.
Until a kid at the parade, seeing the emperor’s bare behind, exclaims,
“But he’s NAKED!”
I’m that kid.
I’m the strange one in my family. I don’t always follow the rules. In
fact, sometimes I’ve intentionally set out to break them. Because I think some
of those asinine rules, are sort of – well, asinine.
And, if they’re dumb enough and they continue to hurt or limit me, I
simply let them go, and live my own beautiful life.
Here are some of the rules I’ve broken over the years:
Get a Good Solid Job and Keep it. FOREVER.
A lot of people find success with this model. Not me, though. Nearly 30
years ago, I graduated at the top of my class and was hired by IBM. I HATED
that job. But, everyone said it was a good one. In fact, they told us that 3000
people applied for each spot that they filled.
Did I mention that I HATED that job? It was such a bad fit. But the
“world” said I should be grateful. So, I stuck it out.
Until a good friend was diagnosed with cancer. At 25. Her tumor was
spotted by her Labor & Delivery nurse when she was delivering her son.
The very next day, I quit what was, at that time, the most secure job
in the universe. Oh, by the way, within a few years, IBM announced its first
EVER reduction in force. Many of my former colleagues lost their jobs.
Lesson in Self-Trust: Follow your heart. The security you think you
feel from your current circumstances is just an illusion. Nothing stays the
same. Everything and everyone dies. Live your one beautiful life today.
Don’t Tell
If ever a rule was meant to be broken, it’s this one. Nevertheless, for
generations, it’s been a pervasive socializing message we pass on to our
children.
There are many wonderful people in my family. But, for generations, our
story has been riddled with alcoholism. We do lots of good in the world. We’re
loving. We can be lots of fun. But, many of us drink. To the point that some of
us die.
Like my father.
But, we don’t talk about those things.
So, I didn’t. I grieved in isolation until a high school reunion a
decade or two later, when I found out that several of my “best friends” also
grew up with alcoholic parents.
For YEARS, we sat together, ate lunch together, were in marching band
together.
But, none of us broke code. Every one of us suffered in silence. What a
waste!
Lesson in Self-Trust: You’re as sick as your secrets. All around you
people are hiding their pain. Stop comparing your insides with everyone else’s
outsides. Instead, be vulnerable. To be free of the feeling of isolation, you
have to take a risk. Intimacy begins with me.
Don’t Cry Out Loud
Along the lines of “don’t quit your day job” and “don’t tell anyone
what’s really going on,” is the message that you do not show your “negative”
feelings. Instead, you suffer in silence. Forever.
In fact, merit badges are awarded for lifetime achievements in
martyrdom.
Remember that song by Melissa Manchester, “Don’t Cry Out Loud?” . . .
“just keep it inside, and learn how to hide your feelings.”
Well, when I listened to that song, I really, truly thought Melissa was
giving me my very own personal marching orders for life.
I was thirty years old before I realized she was being ironic.
Because my baby died. And I simply had to cry out loud. For a long,
long time. My grief was so powerful there was no way to hold it in.
Over time, though, I saw that expressing my feelings was actually the
key to healing from my devastation.
But there was more – Because my daughter’s death was so incredibly
devastating, it unleashed all the buried sorrows from the years before. In
fact, part of my daughter’s legacy is that I had the opportunity to grieve
every silenced loss that had come before. I cried. For all of it. Out loud.
Until I didn’t need to anymore. And then, I was healed.
Lesson for Self-Trust: The only way out is through! Feel your beautiful
feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you your feelings are “wrong.” Or even “right”
for that matter. You feel what you feel and that is that. You don’t need to
justify your feelings to anyone. Oh, and here’s a bonus tip – you don’t have to
ACT on your feelings either. You can just open up to your own beautiful truth,
feel your feelings, then let them go.
Breaking the Rules. Sensibly. Or, not.
Though it may sound like it, I’m not a casual or frivolous rule
breaker. When I’m considering a major life change, I don’t leap and then look.
And, I don’t buck the system just to be ornery.
On the other hand, when something is “off” in my life, I no longer
pretend that everything’s just “fine” over here.
Your One Beautiful Life is entirely too precious to waste being untrue
to yourself and others. If you can, when you can, speak your truth.
Start small. If you don’t like broccoli, for heaven’s sake stop filling
your plate with it at Thanksgiving! Don’t smile when you’re angry. Don’t say
“it’s okay” if it isn’t.
Speak your beautiful truth. Trust your beautiful heart. Take up your
own beautiful place in this world.
Trust yourself. The Emperor and his finery are just an illusion. Cloak
yourself in your own beautiful humanity and, if the “rules” are killing your
beautiful spirit, let them go. Spread your beautiful wings.
Look once. Maybe even look again. But then, LEAP like it’s nobody’s
business!
We make our choice. And then?
We make our choice right.
“And a lot of �I always� and �I nevers� can be nuetralized by the right place/time/person.”
This is why I have given up on having “a type.” There is so much complexity that goes into attraction and retention of a mate. Not an exact science at all.
MicTheMessenger on said:
I also agree about complexity being a turn on. I like having to figure someone out. Unless I don�t like what I�m seeing, then he goes back in the box and I take out a new puzzle.
…well dang, what happens when you figure them out? Do you frame them and hang them on the wall as a reminder that you’re good at figuring ish out? Do they sit on your dining room table for eons cuz youre too lazy too frame them? Do you break them down and put them back in the box, losing interest for all eternity?
I’m curious as to why i asked myself these same questions as i typed them…
TheAnti-Cool on said:
Maybe he has an inner beauty. Like his bone marrow is ruggedly handsome or something.
Mahogany Princess on said:Maybe it was his decomposing liver that was of interest. Or maybe some were intrigued by his ability to be unattractive at all times. He was ugly no matter the angle, lighting, or effects. Somebody found that attractive. I mean take Hoops for example, no matter big or small she likes ugly.
Come on People on said:
I absolutely love this article!!!! Yes, you are right, the unexpected is much more desireable. I remember telling my mother I would date a guy that smelled good and ugly over a man that was funky and cute. Reason why, you can put a bag over someone’s head or even close your eyes much longer than you can hold your nose…lol
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