A friend directed me to a site that led me to Voluptuous Voltarian. She asked a question that I asked several of my friends and acquaintances who gave varying responses as was expected. I love questions that make you pause and think. So obviously I had to blog about it
Below is an extract:
Below is an extract:
So I have this question I like to ask people: “Who are you with when you like yourself the most?” It always gets a raised eyebrow and then people’s brows furrow and they pinch their chin and purse their lips. It takes them a few minutes to mention one or two people and they usually give lengthy reasons why. It seems like an odd question, so let me break it down: “At what times do you most like yourself?” When you’re in church and the singing is just right and your voice is soaring alongside the choir’s and you feel like you’re communing with God? When you’re at work and you finish your work ahead of schedule? When you’re giggling at a joke? “If you’re not alone at the times when you like yourself the most, who is the person you are usually with?” Is it your partner? Is it your pastor? Is it the guy who sells you weed?
The first question was harder for me to answer as it ebbs and flows for me. The constant being when I am by myself. I am confident, I am unapologetically who I was meant to be , I am decisive, I am balanced in a sense. I feel I am also more efficient and effective in what I do when alone hence I like myself the most. The things I enjoy the most are more often things I do by myself be it reading, styling, hunting for a particular look, writing, music, or just being. The moments of perfect peace are weirdly those moments I am enjoying whatever I am doing with no need to be elsewhere. The who that is constant is me. The rest ebb and flow. My family I do admit are people I often take for granted but through the highs and lows the best moments are when we are either at peace united in laughing at one of us, or others, or just at ease with each other. The other side of the coin is how much support I derive from them regardless of the last fight, disagreement or whatever ill will we had. Last year was not a year I liked myself when I was with my family. It seemed taxing and borderline toxic at times and partly contributed to my need to create some space. The two years preceding that my family were one of my favourite people to be around, they made me feel valued and that I belonged. As I said it ebbs and flows so this year I expect it to be on a better footing.
When It comes to friends it also ebbs and flows. The two standouts from last year and these year are two close male friends of mine. One is here in Nairobi and another one is in another continent altogether but the one constant is how unequivocally myself I am whenever we talk or meet. I don't ever feel they have expectations of me that I cannot meet or decisions I make are up for discussion as to whether they meet some alleged standard. There's no pressure to maintain the friendships as we both put in as much as we expect. We have also more or else been going through similar life trajectories hence more common ground to relate I suppose. Mostly its effortless. I think i'm beginning to value effortless relationships as I age. Where two people meet each other where they are with no need to repair, advice, mend , mold and you take each other as enough. With these two people I never feel less than or too much. Our friendship is not an after thought but neither does it intrude on other significant relationships we may have .
I have several close female friendships and I could not imagine my life without them but as with instance of family they ebb and flow in terms of how at ease we are with each other. I think its to be expected and I realized it actually works for me. As extroverted as I am , I also have long periods where I withdraw into myself and my own life. I'm in that phase where I'm good with most of my close female friends but also kind of detached in some way that is hard to pen down. If I had to pick one in this year who when I'm with I like myself the most it would be my high school friend who was my room mate, now business partner but biggest cheerleader in this life to be unequivocally myself. She was the first person I had over at my house on the day I moved.
The question I most relate to is the second one that touches on moments rather than people. “At what times do you most like yourself?” At the top of my head when I'm laughing so carefree for the moment just at ease enjoying whatever it is or whoever it is that made me laugh. When I focus on something and achieve a goal against all odds, usually the result is not even the best part but the process. I had a styling client the weekend that I had moved and all she needed was a consultation but for that one hour I really thought I was bad ass and it was because it was this natural thing flowing from me to someone I had just met but who listening to their life i could so relate and I could do something that on the face of it could be construed as insignificant yet I could see the palpable confidence, delight and excitement that it brought in them. I like myself the most in moments when I am being relevant and making impact in people be it those known to me or strangers
For the last 6 to 8 weeks I have been house hunting. Hopefully I will do a comprehensive post once I move into a place. Last weekend I came across a place which if all things fall into place will be my new home.
Earlier I had started a search for Sofas and I stumbled upon a vendor who had really good seats that are a colour that to me may be Turquoise or teal but looking at the colour charts I'm left even more confused. I saw them two weeks earlier than the house. This meant that when I finally saw the house it's been tough marrying the seat colours with the wall colours while also trying to sort what curtains and carpet colour to get.
I then discovered a much better priced seat vendor but I'd have to wait a week so I'm really torn and all these grey seats keep catching my eye since I've always wanted grey seats but I'm also a girl who loves colour.
The above are not my seats (I wish) but they capture the colour of the seats I'd identified
As per the above chart the seats are cobalt blue and in some light Cool Aqua (read Turquoise for me)
Anyway what is making me hesitant is because the living room walls are a baby blue with one wall having baby pink on it or I'm mixing up with the bedrooms which have baby pink and baby blue. The dominant colour in the living room is baby blue
Something close to that.
So the blue seats are making me think it will be a case of colours just sitting next to each other, not necessarily clashing but also not working together.
There's an option of a different shade of seats like the look below with a red seat accent
Meanwhile the vendor I got has the following options which I'm strongly considering
Yes needless to say indecision has become such a part of my life but it's an interesting journey :)
Earlier I had started a search for Sofas and I stumbled upon a vendor who had really good seats that are a colour that to me may be Turquoise or teal but looking at the colour charts I'm left even more confused. I saw them two weeks earlier than the house. This meant that when I finally saw the house it's been tough marrying the seat colours with the wall colours while also trying to sort what curtains and carpet colour to get.
I then discovered a much better priced seat vendor but I'd have to wait a week so I'm really torn and all these grey seats keep catching my eye since I've always wanted grey seats but I'm also a girl who loves colour.
Anyway what is making me hesitant is because the living room walls are a baby blue with one wall having baby pink on it or I'm mixing up with the bedrooms which have baby pink and baby blue. The dominant colour in the living room is baby blue
Something close to that.
So the blue seats are making me think it will be a case of colours just sitting next to each other, not necessarily clashing but also not working together.
There's an option of a different shade of seats like the look below with a red seat accent
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| Though not necessarily in this combination. |
 |
| I love the neutral colour with room for colourful throws |
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| The guy says he can make this grey number as is. |
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| Blue is one of my favourite colours after Plum , grey and White so I'm strongly considering this one |
Oh sweet architect My bones are heavy and my soul's a mess Can't find my address
- 7:46 AM
- By Anya
- 0 Comments
I went to bed feeling so overwhelmed and beyond weary. I am not sleeping well and anxiety has become so intertwined into my being that serenity seems such an alien concept.
I stumbled upon this article shared by No Sidebar a page I follow on Facebook that emphasizes on minimalism. The original article was from a blog A life in progress the title was "What if All I want is a mediocre life? " In my quest to move and start building a life that makes sense to me there are so many external and internal voices speaking. I am a pretty decisive person yet this process has brought out the most indecisive side that at times leaves me flummoxed . I fear that there are so many competing interest at play and if I am not careful I will end up making a choice or settling for a choice that is conventionally acceptable yet personally alienating. I am barely making sense but this article resonated with me so deeply that I must share it on my blog. Mostly I just need to ignore the noise and focus. Deep within me I know who I am and the life that I want. It's not necessarily more rather simpler and calmer.
What if I all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the space of in between. Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more. For bigger and better. Sacrifice sleep for productivity. Strive for excellence. Go big or go home. Have a huge impact in the world. Make your life count.
But what if I just don’t have it in me. What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted. Drained of joy. Am I simply not enough?What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up – beyond mom and sister and wife. But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and that I would choose them again, given the choice. Can this be enough?
What if I never build an orphanage in Africa but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of kids through sponsorship. What if I just offer the small gifts I have to the world and let that be enough.
What if I don’t want to write a cookbook or build a six figure business or speak before thousands. But I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I care about and encourage them to love and care for themselves well. Because bigger isn’t always better and the individual matters. She is enough.
What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small. Just in between. And I embrace that I have no desire to work for rock hard abs or 18% body fat. And I make peace with it and decide that when I lie on my deathbed I will never regret having just been me. Take me or leave me.
What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts and mostly maintains order and makes real food but sometimes buys pizza and who is horrified at moments by the utter mess in some areas of her home. Who loves to menu plan and budget but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity. Who doesn’t care about decorating and fancy things. Whose home is humble but safe.
What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up. And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy. Body, Spirit, Soul healthy. Am I enough?
What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others. Non-evangelistic. Not bold enough. Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith. And my doubts and insecurities. This will have to be enough.
And if I have been married 21 years and love my husband more today than yesterday but have never had a fairy tale romance and break the “experts” marriage rules about doing a ton of activities together and having a bunch in common. And we don’t. And we like time apart and time together. Is our marriage good enough?
What if I am a mom who delights in her kids but needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first and doesn’t like to play but who hugs and affirms and supports her kids in their passions. A mediocre mom who can never live up to her own expectations of good enough, let alone yours.
What if I embrace my limitations and stop railing against them. Make peace with who I am and what I need and honor your right to do the same. Accept that all I really want is a small, slow, simple life. A mediocre life. A beautiful, quiet, gentle life. I think it is enough.
Krista xo
That was my 2016 gmail tagline. I started that year quite uncertain and unsure yet I was determined I would keep taking the next step regardless of the fact that most days I barely knew if there was even a path.
2017 reaffirmed two key areas. I finished my diploma in oil and gas passing with distinction and I got confirmed at work.
I spent most of today house hunting and if you need to learn a bit more about yourself go house hunting :) I have seen several possibilities but I am convinced my house is still out there.
My dad called me a few days ago while I was out of town with a possible oil and gas lead that may be out of this country. I was working on the application today and being a blind one it was tough. Again it was a study into myself. Both processes for some reason made me feel vulnerable but I guess in a good way. I felt that for the latter part of last year I was just coasting through life. I want to be a full participant in my life this year.
The weekend was another lesson into friendship, grace, generosity and patience. I have such clarity as regards where I want to be and the fact that for sure by year end I will be in a much improved position in all areas of my life.
Tomorrow I resume work and I must say I am mentally and emotionally refreshed.
My 2017 tagline so far has been 'feed your focus while you starve your distractions'
I ended last year with the word focus constantly on my mind. I noticed that almost all my conversations were peppered with the word.My mind is calm and I am focused. I had missed the way my whole psyche can of it's own will concentrate on one thing and it utterly becomes my constant thought, plan, dream and life. This year I want to start creating a home for myself. That is the all consuming goal that has embedded itself in my whole being and I love it. There other things I have planned and have already taken steps to begin working on but my main focus is beginning the journey to create a home for myself .
So below are images of quotes on Focus that I will probably come back to throughout the year
In all honesty it's been almost two years since I did any serious writing. I'm heeding the call. I just want to write at least three posts per week whether they are good, they are interesting or mundane. I just need to write.
My biggest thing this year is to move out to my own place. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! I'm starting over since a certain parent decided my household stuff better suited her parent. That is a whole other post if ever. I'm looking for a bedsitter/DSQ . When a friend of mine heard that he was so aghast that I just had to laugh and in all honesty I got where he was coming from but weirdly enough I'm so calm about it and sure. I do want to start and this time grow organically. I want to do it without financial stress or without any pressure to keep up with the Joneses. Let the Joneses live where they do but Anyango shall live where she chooses .
At one time I really wanted to live in Kileleshwa and to the shock of my family I made that dream a reality. I recall a friend chiding me quite severely that I needed to be more ambitious if that was the best place I could envision living. At the time I was quite annoyed but I brushed it off. I'm quite proud of 25 year old me who was fearless and relentless. I received quite a deluge of unsolicited opinion about my living situation and area of choice. It amazes me how people feel such freedom to express displeasure or disapproval about things that they neither fund nor control. The beauty of your twenties is the sense of inviolability that one has. It allows you room to dare things that in your thirties would leave you quaking. So in the spirit of getting on with it I left work a bit early and alighted at Parklands to start house hunting. My first choice would be Parklands/Highridge area, a choice that has earned me a few derisive comments and condescending looks. Nonetheless I believe that you shouldn't lower your aim as and until you have knocked on those doors and no opportunity has arisen. If you don't ask the answer is always no. I knew it would not be an easy find. I'd seen a few ads on the websites but those agents wanted like a quarter of the rent! Like boy bye! So today I decided I will do the door to door house hunting. Emotionally looking for a house this time was even more terrifying. Nonetheless I started with City Park Estate since I've always been curious about it. Dude that place is EXPENSIVE!!!!!. If the nice old man I met is to believed a one room / One bedroom is Kes 40,000. I kept asking are you sure it's one room? He kept saying yes it was and they are so sought after that before a person moves out another is ready to move in. You guy 40k!!!!!!! I thought the 25k for a bedsitter in Kileleshwa were ludicrous but this was ridiculous. Talking to that Old man was such a grace moment. He was so polite and helpful. Human beings somehow simultaneously possess the ability to restore your faith in humanity as well as lose your faith in humanity. Needless to say I walked round that place with no luck.
Next I tried 5th avenue Parklands but the Shopkeeper young guys were so hostile when I inquired about bedsitters that I decided to try 6th avenue which has in the past piqued my interest each time I've passed it. I walked the length of that road and most were homes or apartments. There were numerous adverts by Witch doctors and fumigation services yet not a single to let sign . I wondered about the proliferation of the ads by these witch doctors. I decided to call it a day and head home. I was more open to areas I had originally refused but decided I would try Highridge before throwing in the towel.
I am proud of myself. I went out and sought even if I did not find. I took the initiative and I am actually taking practical step in this goal.
Beyond that look at all I have written :) I was listening to side hustle school podcast and my take away was do one thing today that brings you closer to the goals you set. I did three things. I went house hunting, I changed the template of this blog and I actually did a blog post.
Here's to a focused 2017 .
I passed my final exams!!!!!!!!!!
5 DISTICTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am beyond proud of myself. Three years of sacrifice, hard work, learning and growth
I have no idea what the future holds but was had an interesting discussion with a friend last night about some research and consultancy in Energy
I celebrated my 32nd birthday and it's been a year I am yet to find words to describe.
All I know it's not as dire, dark or hopeless as some days make it out to be
5 DISTICTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am beyond proud of myself. Three years of sacrifice, hard work, learning and growth
I have no idea what the future holds but was had an interesting discussion with a friend last night about some research and consultancy in Energy
I celebrated my 32nd birthday and it's been a year I am yet to find words to describe.
All I know it's not as dire, dark or hopeless as some days make it out to be
Today is my birthday and I decided to read one of the blogs I frequent Marc and Angel .These twelve tenets are things I'd like to keep in mind in the coming year and hopefully live a life less ambivalent.
When life pushes you over, stand up and push back even harder. Where there is a fork in the road and choices to make, make the ones your future self will thank you for.
Today, start…
- Choosing YOU. – Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be who you know you aren’t. No matter how loud their opinions are, they do not choose who YOU are. Choose YOU even if nobody else is choosing you.
- Appreciating what you have. – Sometimes, when you make the most out of what you have, it turns out being a lot more than you ever imagined. A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you that it will start to feel like one. Time spent living is time worth appreciating. Read The Power of Now.
- Believing in yourself and your dreams. – The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; it’s when you don’t understand yourself. Believe in YOU. Listen to your soul. Trust your instincts. Acknowledge your own strengths. Dream it and dare it. Do what you are afraid of, and capable of. Follow your vision. Know that anything is possible. Know you CAN.
- Being positive. – You can’t live a positive life with a negative attitude. Heaven on Earth is a choice we must make, not a place we must find. Let every day be a dream you can touch. Let every day be a love you can feel. Let every day be a reason to live. Life is too short to be anything but positive.
- Taking action. – The happiest and most successful people are usually those who have broken the chains of procrastination, who find satisfaction in doing the job at hand. They’re full of eagerness, passion, and productivity. You can be too. Remember, success in real estate is about location, location, location. Success in life is about action, action, action. ReadGetting Things Done.
- Letting go. – The only thing that makes it a big part of your life is that you keep thinking about it. The biggest step in changing the world around you is to change the world within you. Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone. Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived. Just live in the present, concentrate on the things you can control, and take one small step at a time.
- Picking yourself back up. – Where you are in life is temporary; where you end up in life is permanent; how you get from here to there is entirely up to you. So don’t give up. Sometimes when things go wrong it’s because they would have turned out worse if they had gone right.
- Ignoring negative people. – You are not a rug; some people may try to walk all over you, but you don’t have to lie there and take it. There are seven billion people in the world; don’t waste your time by letting one of them ruin your happiness. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer.
- Staying in touch with close friends and family. – Having somewhere to go is what we call ‘home.’ Having someone to love, who loves us in return, is what we call ‘family.’ Having both is a blessing. There comes a time in life when you’ll have to leave everything behind for awhile and start something new, but never forget the people who stood by your side, especially your close friends and family who never gave up on you.
- Making time for fun. – Fun is way underrated. With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. It’s a happy talent to know how to let loose and play. People who make it a point play around and have fun are twenty times more likely to feel happy in the long run.
- Spreading love and kindness. – The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow into it and out of it – you choose how things affect you, and how you affect the world. The happiness surrounding you is greatly affected by the choices you make every day. So choose to spread love and kindness to a least one person a day. Imagine the amount of happiness you would create in a lifetime if you did. Read The Happiness Project.
- Being the change you want to see in the world. – Don’t tell others how to live; LIVE and let them watch you. Practice what you preach or don’t preach at all. Walk the talk. The people who look up to you will likely emulate your actions and strive to become who you are; so BE who you want them to be