Divine creativity equals unusual me

In a single day I read a considerable number of blogs and I make it a point to discover new blogs on a regular basis. Simplenigma inspired me to start this blog and for the longest time she was like on top of the list of my favourite bloggers till I encountered, Jenny The bloggess. It was love at first reading. She insane...like unbelievably hilariously Insane. I wish she could be my best friend...but I am not even worthy of that...enough of that...below is an extract of one of her blog entries.

Just when you think life has thrown you all the curveballs it can, another one comes and hits you so hard you are seeing stars or it comes at such a surprise you actually fall on your ass.

This post is filed the one million and one good byes. May you never come back and say i never opened that door.I am shutting it...slowly painfully and regrettably but wisely I am.I Don't even know why I love you.I KNOW I HAVE NEVER SAID THOSE WORDS.BUT Surely you must know.SOmeone said we are entitled to be stupid over one person.WELL YOU ARE MY STUPID PERSON...HAHHAHA...POETIC JUSTICE






I took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak
But your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
Not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with my
Superhuman might
Kryptonite

I crave time to write properly. Since that is not happening soon i may as well do a summary.

I am making peace with some hurt a friend caused me, He was one of my closest friends.I Could have written that i am getting over some hurt a guy caused me..but he was never just some guy,,,he was my friend...the one who knew who i was and who w wasn't...to borrow a phrase from a song he really loves. I realized that there is a part of my childhood that is gone forever. It dies with each traumatic experience i endure. The part that believed things were crystal clear. That things have to fit a certain mold. A friend said that to him the idea of getting a child denotes the end of childhood. I laughed but how apt...yet there are other things that happen to us or we do to ourselves that more or less end our childhood.That said and done I have come to the realization that some things cannot be undone..and festering in the pain or bitterness does not undo what has been done or remedy the injury. I read a quote that said remove the sense of injury nad the injury disappears. How true!...so i am making peace with my friend who hurt in ways he will never understand...but as per him i have also hurt him.

I Feel like i have ploughed through most of my friendships in these two years the way a farmer would his land getting rid of weeds and unwanted plants. I also crossed lines which i never thought i would cross and it saddens me that i can never undo the things i have done..Three different people asked me if i ever feel guilty or suffer remorse...The underlying assumption being that they have not seen any evidence of that...that would be sad as it would lead to the conclusion that i am amoral with no conscience...I do have regrets but i do not believe in killing yourself with remorse till you cannot function. I believe you look at the mistakes you have made learn from them and try and do better next time.

I used to be the girl who guys did all kinds of stuff to get and whom they felt they couldn't get but for these past two months i have been the girl who has taken crap from these men. I have lost some of my self respect and i really want to regain it. MAYBE I AM STILL GOING THROUGH QUARTER LIFE CRISIS but I just feel there has to be better...life has to have more meaning that what it is currently offering.

On a lighter note i told one of my friends how i had revised my time line and i had decided that i wanted to get married when i am 28. He laughed then he got angry. I do not understand why i got this reaction but a friend got married last week and when this other chic heard that i was the maid of honour she was so flabbergasted and i was wondering why and her response was:"BUT YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE!'....I did not know that i do not believe in marriage....so i laughed and clarified that i do believe in marriage i just do not plan to get married in my early twenties as many seem to do in our circles. She did not look convinced. Speaking of which i met up with a childhood friend whom i have not seen in like 7 years and he went on to inform me of how he cannot envision being in a relationship/marriage without a kid being part of the equation cause at least the kid can balance the madness. This was me gaping in shock. Its not the first time i have heard this argument. I was there trying to convince him how he and his wife area complete family unit but he wasn't buying it...I guess it did not help that i said i am not sure if i want kids...Usually that has people's hackles all up....WHY CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT NOT EVERYONE WANTS BABIES?.....The you are still young makes me so mad i want to hang myself using my own hair...I mean babies are all awesome and all but we don't have to contribute to overpopulating a planet that is already too small for its current occupants.

It has been like centuries since i blogged. I really miss it. its the price of working i daresay.Recently i came across a theory: Steinberg's Love Triangle Theory. It really describes my environment...so many people near me nad around me are in triangles..i daresay i may be in one unwittingly...but then again what's love got to do with it?

According to Steinberg, there are three factors in the love triangle model - intimacy, passion and commitment. Intimacy exists when thoughts and feelings are shared. Passion is the physical desire to want a person. Commitment is the value placed on the relationship. When a person is intimate, without being passionate or committed, there is a good friendship; when a person is passionate without being intimate or committed, he or she is a flirt. Thirdly, with only commitment, there is only a 'dead' relationship. Intimacy and Passion together make up romance - the stuff all lovers are made of. Passion and Commitment without intimacy is seen in adolescent love, or in cases of superficial love in early days of love when passion rules. Commitment and Intimacy without passion happens when two people are either best friends or when there is no 'spark' in a marriage. All three together - Commitment, Intimacy and Passion - make up absolute love. A successful marriage is one in which all three factors coexist together over a long time. Interestingly, absence or neglect of one of the three factors often puts a strain on the other two.

Another theory to mess up with people's minds..hahahhaha

Zambia...GETTING HERE WAS AN EPIC JOURNEY THAT NEEDS ITS OWN POST...nonetheless i got here in one piece. I am in Lusaka for an IFC Trade Operation training. I got here a day late due to issues to do with my travel documents which got me into trouble with my boss...i need to sort that out when i go back to the office on Monday

My flight landed in Lusaka at around midnight and checking in took like 30m8in or more...waiting for the transfer from the airport to the hotel another 30min..checking in at the hotel..another long process..let just say by teh time i got into my room i was completely exhausted...

The intercontinental in Lusaka has absolutely lovely rooms. The quality of service and finishing is superb. I absolutely love my room. I could go on and on but i love the spaciousness...the cable TV...the iron box and iron board provided...the hairdryer...the bathroom is in such pristine condition with extra stuff..i love it..the decor makes me want to carry the stuff to my new home...

The down side it is EXPENSIVE...in fact Lusaka is a very expensive town...a sandwich cost me KSH.1200 AROUND 17DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!...I justified it thinking maybe the hotel is juts being dear...when we went to the mall..the transport cost and the commodity prices just confirmed what we had been told...the place is expensive..maybe because its landlocked..who knows...

Lusaka has some charm in that it is urban yet still retains some country characteristics.,..if you are one who likes taking walks on avenues of trees yet still have urban amenities..then Lusaka would be i8deal...The people are friendly yet not in your face like some of our neighbouring countries...yet they still respect your privacy even if they can tell you area foreigner..i really liked that...

The weather has been hot yet not unbearably so...its mild weather...just as its people are..of a very mild nature..or at least in my opinion...


THE PALATE is what has intrigued me...as we have interacted with people from various parts of the continent...we have also talked with some members of the host country and i must say it has been interesting...Some Zambians apparently those from the north bordering Tanzania and DRC...EAT MONKEYS......The very thought almost has me gagging as to me that is almost an abomination!!!!!!!!!!!!how now? One of the guys was explaining it all to us and two other people confirmed...one of the guys even regaled us..should in my case horrified me...with the tale of how the brother came home with game meat for the whole family and it took like two or more weeks to finish eating 8it and at the end of the period he informed the family that they had been feasting on monkey meat.....YUCK YUCK YUCK....i was so disgusted...AND HE WAS JUST LAUGHING SAYING NOTHING MUCH WAS DONE TO THE BROTHER as they know other people who eat monkeys...i was like i would never forgive that brother..he would never enter my house...i would never ever trust him or eat anything he prepared or bought...HOW NOW?...and the guy was just laughing...one of the ladies we were with a Malawian said she would never even talk to that guy if he was her brother and he did that...one of the Kenyan guys we were with asked the ZAMBIAN why they started eating monkeys....was there a famine perhaps..and they said that apparently they just found their ancestors eating them....And continued eating them??????!!!!!!!!

Each day during lunch at the intercon..we would see this pot of fried caterpillars and we would all look in horrified fascination till the day we saw some of the locals eating them...i tell you we are DIFFERENT...I AM TRYING TO IMAGINE WHAT I EAT THAT WOULD ELICIT THE SAME REACTION I HAD WATCHING THOSE PEOPLE EAT THOSE CATERPILLARS..AND for the life of me..i cannot!!!!!!!!!

The story of the Zambians from the East who eat rodents from the field but do not eat any in 5their houses..really had me in stitches...apparently they will eat the mice in their tobacco fields as those eat 'Healthy foods' as opposed to the rats in their houses as these eat chemicals in the foods humans prepare...its ludicrous...at some point i was asking them...where do the rats in the houses come from if not from the fields? They were adamant there was a difference...

I COULD GO ON..BUT THAT'S IT FOR TODAY.....MORE LATER..I DOUBT I WOULD DATE A GUY FROM HERE..UNLESS HE IS RELOCATING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY..but who knows what he would cook for me one day??????????

As I AM HERE I cant help but review some undefined relationship or a non-relationship i have been having with some guy...It so sad that I used to know this person or at least i thought i knew them...I CAN NO LONGER SAY THAT WITH CONFIDENCE...the TOTALLY BAFFLING THING..HE DOESN'T SEE THAT HE HAS DONE ANYTHING WRONG...Maybe when am forty..i w ill get that....

There is a line in a fray song...either Cable car or another song..which say i am losing you and its effortless....Thats what it is...there is no anger...there is no bitterness,,there is this detached feeling..i can even call them and talk to them..in a manner of sorts coz in the real sense we are not communicating..and there is a part of me that is fully encased in some vacuum..and i doubt this person would reach it..not that he would ever try...

There are moments when i recall earlier times when we were friends..and it meant so much...and there was such innocence..i feel like all the innocence in me has been robbed by all that occurred in the year that was...Yet every time i think that..i remember this person saying being more than freinds could harm our frie4ndship..i pushed for us to be more..so i guess ultimately..its my faults

Perhaps in my head i feel betrayed by this person that when i needed them 5thye most they were not there....but in my heart i probably don't acknowledge that as i am an accomplice in that..am perpetrator against myself...

Its like i am not living in this plane of reality but in a suspended one..as if i am waiting for something to happen...i dont know what..i cant go back to where i was and i cant seem to cut off all links to move to a new dimension...

Most times i don't dwell on these thoughts..most times i try to convince ell you..AND THEY WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW..SO I GUESS I HAVE MY ANSWER....

You were not there for me before i had to do what i never imagined i would have to do...you were not there for me during the crucial time..and even now when i reach out to you,.against common sense and my friends advice..you are not there...WHERE WERE YOU????????

Natalie Imbruglia says it best in TORN

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around
And he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Or seem to care
What your heart is for
I don't know him anymore

There's nothin' where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothings right
I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now, I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn

There's nothin' he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right
I'm torn


The odd trying is i cant even say whether i was in love with you or not....its all so muddled in my head...but right now that doesn't even matter...coz its not the girl who may or may not have been in love with you who was betrayed..but the friend who has been beside you...I was your friend...so what changed...or did i read you wrong all along?

its new year's and for some reason i feel flat...like some anticlimax..i am HUGE FAN of New years!!!!!!!!!!!!christmas does nothing for me..but new year's is like my favourite holioday..i am ashamed to say i did not even wait for the clock to tick midnight i gave up fifteen minutes to the hour..it was depressing watching people walking off to the beach in pairs while my favourite is so far away from me...i decided to go sleep..i really tried to analyse the year but i could not for some bizzare unknown reason...i do it annually while setting goals for the new year..but i cannot seem to do it this year..The only clear thought i had was the wish that in this non-relationship i am in..i wish i loved the least...then i would hold the power...it reminds me of a novel by Fiona Walker which i was reading a few days back and some lady is asked if any of the relationships she is in..involves love and she replies that she doesnt know..and whoever was asking her replies"love is the one where you have no control" and i thought how apt!

anyhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...i have been on holiday from christmas eve in a lovely resort called Pinewood Beach Resort in South Coast of Mombasa...it is a really lovely place...very serene and not as crowded as North Coast...very intimate...if you are on a honeymoon ..it would be the ideal place...i had fun for the first four night..then it hit me that we would be here for another week..and i almost lost my mind..as my cousin Nicole says..i am a workaholic who barely knows how to relax..i know i ahve been moaning of how much i needa holiday but ten days is OFFICCIALLY TOO MUCH especially away from Nairobi...i love that City...i need it like a LIFELINE..to cap it all..i realised i wouild not be spending New years with my friends..my routine has usuaally been that i spend christmass with the family then newe years with my friends...why this fact escaped my mind this year is beyond me...before we came to the coast i had decided that this was the last holiday i was taking with my parents..i am too old and i need to start making plans wit my friernds...I NOW KNOW FOR SURE....that i aM NOT PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH THIS AGAIN..I LOVE MY FAMILY TO DEATH AND I HaVE MAD FUN WITH THEM BUT AFTER A WHILE THEY START TO IRRITATE ME..ESECIALLY MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THATS a story for another day...

I have also realised that i need to move out of home as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i just cant take this living at home anymore...i can just see more and more disagreements arising between me nad my folks if the status quo is maintained.

i was to write about my stay here..but its too hot i am going for a swim...more laterts..hopefully

A couple of weeks back i was fortunate(uhm) to be invited to a hen night..which was to say the least, interesting and informative..if not a little shocking. One of the topics to come up was douching...as i said i never get why some topics are such taboo yet so crucial..you only have to provide a forum for such topics to realize that enough people are also experiencing the same things or wondering about the same thing/...or different stuff which you can learn from..while others just show you how diverse we are as human beings. I have informed the whole world how i hate working in nde4cember...its my first December working and to say ten truth i have been moaning about it non-stop...today was a Friday and December so you can guess my motivation level for work...subzero...i worked in the morning and in they afternoon decided to research some of the stuff that were being discussed at the hen party.

Below are questions and responses from some interactive website....some had me in stitches ..and for the first time i laughed till i shed tears...made my day...i also realized some people thinks its perfectly okay to shower once a week!!!!!!!!!


1.by seeekingginfo on March 22, 2009 at 3:18 PM

I'm 17, and engaged to be married in 2 years... my fiancee and I do have a sex life, and the last time we did it, he ripped something "up there", now it dangles... ick. I don't know what it is, and I can't seem to find anything on the web about it: it used to be a smallish fleshy "loop" (I used to get tampons stuck on it occasionally), but now it's just a... string-thing. Does this ring a bell to anyone? Does anyone know what it is?

Response:\by RandomRainbows on April 5, 2009 at 4:54 PM

its ur hymen...u have a septate hymen...google it.....it broke and now its still there xD o.o u need to get it cut off by a Gynaecologist or u could do it urself....but its better to go to a Gynaecologist ._.



2.by Vajayjayman on March 23, 2009 at 8:06 PM

Guys, I'm 17 going on 18. I just wanna know . . . . WHAT THE FUCK IS A CHERRY?!?!?!

RESPONSE:
+1 by jenero on April 20, 2009 at 12:33 AM

it's like a barrier. It gets broken the first time you have sex and then you're not a virgin anymore. Then there is a little bleeding. They call it a cherry because after it breaks, it bleeds.

0 by Rhyre on June 18, 2009 at 10:05 AM

Yeah, the 'barrier' is scientifically known as a 'hymen'. Losing your virginity is biologically signified by your hymen being broken. :]


3.by Herpesnator on June 8, 2009 at 6:43 PM

My vagina hurts , it leaks weird things



4.by NaGfH on June 21, 2009 at 2:40 AM

Um, I heard something unusual today and wanted to know if this is accurate or not: that its not uncommon for a woman to NOT HAVE a clitoris. It sounded ridiculous but I wanted to be sure.

THIS ONE KILLED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111LIEK FOR THE FIRST TIME I LAUGHED TILL I CRIED...AND AM IN THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. +1 by zoe001821 on July 4, 2009 at 1:02 AM

OK I NEED SERIOUS HELP HERE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IHATE THE WAY MY VAGINA LOOKS IT LOOKS WERID AND MINE HAS BIG LIPS AND I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF THEMM ANYWAY LIKE EXERCISE OR ANYTHING PLZ PPLZ HELP

Response::::::Vaginal lips vary a lot from one woman to the next in both size and color. The size and color may change a bit during puberty. Since you're 14, you're probably going through those changes now and just aren't used to your new body yet. Exercise won't change your size or color. So you're just going to have to get used to your body and learn to love it!

6.by pixxie123l on July 6, 2009 at 5:28 PM

Hello, I was just going to ask if its normal if infront, I dont want to be clueless here but im not sure where my vagina is. Theres like this outy thing that hangs and when i walk it moves and It REALLY annoys me and I dont again want to be MORE clueless but can it affect the future like the pregnancy or anything like that?

Please respond It would help alot :) Thank you

RESPONSE::::::::The female body can be kind of confusing with all the hair and folds of skin. But we have three holes down there. The first one is where pee comes out. The second is the vagina. The third is where poop comes out.


As for the thing that hangs, it's tough to say what it is without looking at you. You could have a large clitoris or large labia. The size of the clitoris and labia can vary a lot from one woman to the next, so it's ok for them to be on the larger side.


But seeing a doctor wouldn't be a bad idea. Since the doctor could actually look at your body, he or she would be able to tell you for sure what it is and answer any questions that you may have.

0 by pixxie123l on July 7, 2009 at 3:13 PM

Okay, thank you very much for your reply, and I looked up internet, because i wasent certain of it. but it says its a labia and again thanks :)

0 by pixxie123l on July 7, 2009 at 5:07 PM

1 more thing, Is it going to affect anything if I have a labia?

0 by Sanssouci on July 7, 2009 at 7:47 PM

No, "labia" just means the vaginal lips. All women have them.

0 by pixxie123l on July 7, 2009 at 8:32 PM

Okay, thank you





7.by xkeepitgreene on July 11, 2009 at 9:25 PM

I am 17 & just lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago. It bled, a lot, so i know he broke my hymen. Then we had sex a second time-- no bleeding. The third (and last) time there was blood everywhere, dripping nonstop. How many times after loosing your virginity should you bleed during sex?
Also, my boyfriend fingers me a few times a week. The past few times he's fingered me, I've bled. I know it's not my period. He said he felt "strings" up in my vagina, but that he broke them. Today, my boyfriend fingered me again for the first time in seven days (we waited because we thought the bleeding wouldn't happen if we gave my vagina time to heal) but it started to bleed again. He also said he felt more "strings". What is he feeling? And why does my vagina keep bleeding? I know it's not because i'm not wet enough, and he is the only person i've done anything sexual with, likewise for him, so no STDs, etc. Answers would be much appreciated! Merci :]


Strings!!!!!!!!!!!!!1?????????????????????

RESPONSE:::::::by Sanssouci on July 12, 2009 at 10:49 AM

There\'s no certain number of times you have to have sex in order to stop bleeding. Every woman is different. Some women never bleed during sex. Others might bleed the second time but not the first. Some might not bleed the first 100 times, but then might bleed when they go for 101!

The vaginal tissue is very delicate. It can tear if it is too dry, if our partner is too rough with us, if our partner has sharp fingernails, etc. And even a tiny cut down there can lead to a lot of blood. You can try a water-based lubricant and see if it helps because a lot of women think they\'re wet enough until they try a store bought lubricant. Then they realize they could have been wetter!

But I have no idea what strings he\'s feeling. I\'ve never experienced that in my own vagina, and my partners have never mentioned it either. So given that along with the fact that the strings break and cause you to bleed a lot, I\'d recommend seeing an ob-gyn about it.

8.by unknown7 on August 24, 2009 at 6:02 PM

this is akward for me to say all this but... my boyfriend and I were having sex and he used four fingers to finger me and it hurt! After that I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding! Now it hurts to sit, bend, and sometimes walk. Should I go to a doctor or what? this happend today and I have had sex before

by Sanssouci on September 4, 2009 at 9:58 PM

It's possible that he tore you with his fingernail. That happens a lot because the vaginal tissues are so delicate. It should heal on its own, but scrapes do leave you vulnerable to infection, so see an ob-gyn if you notice any problems.

Lesson learnt...FINGERNAILS ON DDUES ARE YOUR ENEMIES

9.by Rika_B on October 25, 2009 at 12:03 PM

Hey Im a virgin. I was wondering if it is weird for my vagina to be itchy but it only goes on for 3 days (I think its just cause I didn't shower for a week but I still want to make sure), I do shave but I have been doing it for awhile and I sometimes get itchy when my hair grows back too.

READ THE PART WHERE SHE DID NOT SHOWER FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RESPONSE>>>>>by Sanssouci on October 26, 2009 at 3:06 PM

Shaving and skipping showers certainly can make you itchy. It's best to wash your vulva every day with water and a mild soap. A lot of women shave, but it's actually not recommended. In addition to causing itching and irritation, it can increase your chance of getting an infection down there. So your best bet would be to wash properly and stop shaving. If you still have itching even after that, you should go to the ob-gyn just to make sure you don't have an infection.

My work life basically means my blogging life is basically extinct. So much has happened

1.i did so many rounds of interviews and in December i get to start as an ASSOCIATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!can you believe that....i did not look for this job...am still bawled over...but till i see the contract terms let me relax

2.i learnt what office politics is all about. i Think its shame when a whole senior manager gets competitive with an intern..like dude what wrong with you...so you started at a a lower rank and did not rise as fast...does that give you the right to try and sabotage my career.what a prat!!!!!!!1

3.I also realized not many people will be very amused with my career advancement..but tough luck..id id not sleep my way to it..i did not lie my way to it..i did not pretend to be what i was not..in fact i was totally myself..Thank you Lord.

4. I really appreciate my friends who are not sorority types who feel every single second we have to be together...i had to encounter such a person to really fully appreciate you guys...THANK YOU!!!!!!!i wish that person would just stop crowding me!!!!!! you are an awesome person but men you are really crowding me..i am at the resentment stage soon it will be the hate stage!1

5.I have to move out by June next year..i just need two flat mates who don't mind living in a furnished apartment and sharing rent...and am not living with guys,...females only.

6.i discovered i like on of my very good pals...and i like HIM more than a pal...lets just say after today i will know for sure....what up.

7.I discovered lame book and boy did i not die of laughter while equally gaped in shock at what some people post on face book. LAME BOOK is my new drug...

8.Sauti sol totally rocked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!waaaaaaaaah that group is off the charts....while at the concert some guy proposed to the girlfriend...i am convinced the guy was drunk!! it just reinforced the truth that i HATE PUBLIC PROCLAMATIONS.I think they are insincere and its blackmail. IT IS BETWEEN THE TWO of us!! If i were the girl i would have crept outside to leave him to look like the eeejit that he is!!!!!!!!!1but she seemed impressed so i guess he read her right.

9. Some twat is still stalking me!!!!!! i am fully convinced the guy is clinically insane!!!!!!On th same note whether related i discovered some people actually eat the placenta after giving birth....some even fry it....some human beings should be shipped off to neptune
10. THis is not a proper blog post but i feel better all the same for posting s

I keep meaning to blog about my party and all the drama fun and insanity that went down...but as ever i don't get the time even now i cant say i will.
I can definitely say i had mad fun like nothing and i am glad i threw that party and most people who came had crazy fun. The only downside was i acquired some stalker...ok fine a guy i know but who decided he was being possessive..The song that comes to mind is one by Tracy Chapman
Say I have known some
Less than I should
Say I have known some
Too well for my own good
Say I´m a saint of mercy
Say I´m a whore
I´ve been a lot of things
But never yours

I wear my mama´s dress
Her finest clothes
Daddy showed me outside
To meet you on the front porch
I laugh at all your jokes
But you look bored
I´ve been a lot of things but never yours

You never cross my mind
You can be sure
You´ll never catch my eye
Waiting for you watching the door
I let you hold me
Dry lip kiss me on the dance hall floor
I´ve been a lot of things
But never yours

Never yours
Never yours
Never yours
Never yours
Never yours
Never yours
Never yours
Never yours

So you say you won
It was a bet
A game of pool or cards
I repay my family´s debt
I let you lie beside me
With no remorse
I´ve been a lot of things
But never yours


Say I have known some
Less than I should
Say I have known some
Too well for my own good
Say I´m a saint of mercy
Say I´m a whore
I´ve been a lot of things
But never yours

Dude will get his own post whether it will take me one year to get time to blog about him...i will blog about him nonetheless..the biggest lesson i learnt was that this casual relationships or arrangements are not for me....this time i was lucky i was the party that was so detached and wanting to get away..what if it were the other way around...i shudder to think

I also learnt that i can still finish with a guy in a manner that conveys the fact that i want out and i am not changing my mind yet still leave the person with their dignity intact...this particular guy really pushed it..but i can honestly say i was fair....

A lesson that i have always known but have thought of doubting was my cynicism when it comes to men..especially men who feel that they are charmers....if your first reaction is not to trust them..do not trust them even if they are on the verge of tears...even they cry.....i for one do not know what to do with a man in tears....but never believe them....i almost believed one..only to learn how he was playing a game....there i was wasting my pity on a scoundrel....

A good thing happened a few weeks back...i realized that some spell that some dude had me under for years was broken...and what relief....
The downside is am now getting under the spell of another friend whom i have gotten close to.....and i thought turning 25 meant less drama...

I had no reason for this post but i miss blogging...this wasn't for people who follow this blog..but rather for me....
Mostly its to get away from the irony of my life...i am never yours you psycho....no matter how long you pursue me..never yours.yet my dear friend,you has done nothing to pursue me, i want to be yours yet you cant understand that...am out