I REALLY need a boyfriend. Like seriously. Usually I'd be too ashamed
to even say that aloud but things are thick. I made out with a friend
I shouldn't. A guy I know so well, I often laugh at the girls he
dates. Some guy I was hooked up with last week is so nice & all but
i'm not physically or mentally attracted to him. In all counts,
there's nothing wrong with him but I feel nothing. All I feel is
resentful because I want him gone. I'm lonely but he doesn't meet the
criteria. It's not his fault so that leads to guilt then back to
resentment. Below all this is a nagging feeling that perhaps I'll end
up alone or if not that i'll spend many sunday afternoons alone. I
keep saying that that people never consider that they may never get
married. I do but what is inconceivable to me is not having an awesome
relationship, the definition of which requires another blog post. I
don't even know why I started this post. I mean there are 7 billion
human beings on this earth, surely. Maybe its fear driving me.
There's a real possibility my biggest dream is gonna happen. I want it
so bad but it also makes me question other stuff in my life.....anyway
time will tell

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