Divine creativity equals unusual me

I love Sarah Grove and this is like my favourite song in that whole album. The lyrics tell it all. On Sunday I showed up. Is topped hiding, I stopped numbing myself, I stop surviving and started living as I was meant to live. Right now the  part that says And I just showed up for my own life, And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright, Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

I am reading my bible, I am praying and talking with God but more importantly listening and OBEYING what I am instructed to do and I can see my life changing, my attitude and it all adds up. I am back to regular work out. I am at peace with my work situation in that I trust God to do His thing while I do my part which is be the best worker that I can be. I forgave my grandfather and called him to talk to him. Progress. And I just showed up for my own life

Lyrics to Just Showed Up For My Own Life :

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Jesus, Take the Wheel
(James/Lindsey/Sampson)

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me
Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh

Today on BBC Africa  Miriam Makeba’s song ‘aluta continua’ was playing. I love where she sings Samora Machel, Frelimo, Frelimo….Takes me back to history lessons before I grew to hate those darned dates. I love that song and the whole message. It made realize that some person borrowed my poisonwood Bible book and has decided to stay with it yet it’s one of the best books I ever read and each year keep wanting to read it. It lays out Congo’s history, Patrice Lumumba’s life and assassination from a very simplistic view of the family of a supposed missionary who was more villain than saint. I really miss that book will just get another copy. Aluta Continua also made me realize I have not read a copy of New African magazine in eons!!!!!!!!

On an unrelated note my housemate and I share the view that Mandela is overrated. He did his stuff but I think he is overrated especially by white folk. I mean compared to the millions who actually fought for the cause and paid the price by their very lives. Moreover Roben Island is paradise compared to most jails around the world. After reading his autobiography , my suspicion that Mandela loves women, in fact a player, and his first love was politics. It was in his blood. I think Winnie got a raw deal. You marry some dude and most of your married life he is  prison. That aside I have always held the unease with the union between Graca Machel and Mandela. Probably nothing despite the fact that dude was dead by the time the two hooked up…still seems iffy to me. Anyhuuuuuuuuuu these are some of the silly and not so silly stuff that came to mind on hearing this song

delusion, psychotic belief - (psychology) an erroneous belief that is held in the face of evidence to the contrary

I was having a hilarious(to me) exchange with a friend via email and I came across an article about delusions. It occurred to me some of the worst relationship circumstances we found ourselves in can make us be labeled delusional. For some bizarre reason the information below had me so tickled

The following can indicate a delusion:

1. The patient expresses an idea or belief with unusual persistence or force. I love him and no else, he is my soul mate, I can never love another, there is no one else for me. No one gets me like he does, we have this unique connection,
2. That idea appears to exert an undue influence on the patients life, and the way of life is often altered to an inexplicable extent.
3. Despite his/her profound conviction, there is often a quality of secretiveness or suspicion when the patient is questioned about it. I don’t know why people have all these questions, Y’all haters, we just want to be alone without outside negativity
4. The individual tends to be humorless and oversensitive, especially about the belief. You don’t know him like I do
5. There is a quality of centrality: no matter how unlikely it is that these strange things are happening to him, the patient accepts them relatively unquestioningly.
6. An attempt to contradict the belief is likely to arouse an inappropriately strong emotional reaction, often with irritability and hostility.
7. The belief is, at the least, unlikely, and out of keeping with the patient's social, cultural and religious background.
8. The patient is emotionally over-invested in the idea and it overwhelms other elements of their psyche.
9. The delusion, if acted out, often leads to behaviors which are abnormal and/or out of character, although perhaps understandable in the light of the delusional beliefs.
10. Individuals who know the patient observe that the belief and behavior are uncharacteristic and alien.

I am not creative today so fill in the blanks with you own interpretation

Something amazing is happening in me it’s like some slow simmer but I know and can feel it happening. A part of me is awakening, slowly languidly but definitely opening up. If anyone one followed my blog last year it was filled with references to this guy and how hurt I got….After all the hurt and rejection and failure of that relationship a part of me hid or more less checked out. The year that was last year had some ..shall I call them male characters…but I was not involved with them in the manner I normally would. I mostly met there guys in clubs or parties. Some would ask me to dinners and lunches and movies but I would refuse or avoid such guys. A different, earlier me would have been horrified at the idea of dating people in clubs…but last year me welcomed it. In hindsight it was safe and all I was capable of handling. Dinners etc are so intimate. The softer side of me…more like the part that believed in romance just wasn’t around and for good reason too.

That part is slowly waking up. What amazes me is that after all the horrible things I did and witnessed around me and the cynical attitude I assumed that it’s like some stubborn desert flower blooming against all the harsh weather conditions. The things my heart is starting to yearn for are so different from it did last year and it leaves me so astounded. Simply shocked. There is a simplicity that I am beginning to yearn for and await. I keep seeing these couples doing such mundane  things or having such unmemorable moments and I catch myself wanting that. A part of me is a bit embarrassed to even admit that but it is truth. There are a couple of interested parties surprisingly but the test is who will touch that new side of me without ever being given a clue. I am very independent person who comes across as a go-getter and indeed I am but right now it’s whole other song that meets my fancy

This post probably doesn’t make sense….but it’s like a record of the metamorphosis that I feel I am undergoing.

Here at the altar
Oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

Lord, this time I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done
My heart is broken

As I cry
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord, I try
But this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow-through
Between the altar and the door?

I'm trying so hard
To stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me

Jesus
I'm trying so hard
To stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me

S \ Sara Groves \ Less Like Scars

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)

And more like
Character

There are three areas which I feel I could contribute or participate in terms of my career. I am currently in Finance. The next step is Fashion and this year I have committed to actually doing three main projects One is as regards Ethical Fashion programme which is part of ITC. Below is more information about them

We enable distributors and designers to source fashion and lifestyle products from marginalized communities of women and groups of micro producers in Africa. Consumer awareness has revealed a growing desire for ethical fashion. There are long-term business opportunities for those offering products with a clear story of social responsibility and development behind them. We work directly with those living in the world's most challenging conditions with the aim of empowering them in a sustainable manner, through quality work that minimizes the negative impact on the environment.

We support the work of over 7000 women who live in conditions of extreme poverty, but who have a strong desire to improve their lives. Through our network, some of the poorest people in the world have access to a job and an income which benefits the entire community.

The Ethical Fashion Programme has a holistic approach that is 100% dedicated to supporting disadvantaged communities to change their lives

ITC(international Trade centre) is a joint agency of the World Trade Organization and the United Nations devoted to helping small and medium-sized enterprises in developing countries become more competitive in global markets and thus to speed up sustainable economic development and contribute to achievement of the Millennium Development Goals.