A friend directed me to a site that led me to Voluptuous Voltarian. She asked a question that I asked several of my friends and acquaintances who gave varying responses as was expected. I love questions that make you pause and think. So obviously I had to blog about it
Below is an extract:
Below is an extract:
So I have this question I like to ask people: “Who are you with when you like yourself the most?” It always gets a raised eyebrow and then people’s brows furrow and they pinch their chin and purse their lips. It takes them a few minutes to mention one or two people and they usually give lengthy reasons why. It seems like an odd question, so let me break it down: “At what times do you most like yourself?” When you’re in church and the singing is just right and your voice is soaring alongside the choir’s and you feel like you’re communing with God? When you’re at work and you finish your work ahead of schedule? When you’re giggling at a joke? “If you’re not alone at the times when you like yourself the most, who is the person you are usually with?” Is it your partner? Is it your pastor? Is it the guy who sells you weed?
The first question was harder for me to answer as it ebbs and flows for me. The constant being when I am by myself. I am confident, I am unapologetically who I was meant to be , I am decisive, I am balanced in a sense. I feel I am also more efficient and effective in what I do when alone hence I like myself the most. The things I enjoy the most are more often things I do by myself be it reading, styling, hunting for a particular look, writing, music, or just being. The moments of perfect peace are weirdly those moments I am enjoying whatever I am doing with no need to be elsewhere. The who that is constant is me. The rest ebb and flow. My family I do admit are people I often take for granted but through the highs and lows the best moments are when we are either at peace united in laughing at one of us, or others, or just at ease with each other. The other side of the coin is how much support I derive from them regardless of the last fight, disagreement or whatever ill will we had. Last year was not a year I liked myself when I was with my family. It seemed taxing and borderline toxic at times and partly contributed to my need to create some space. The two years preceding that my family were one of my favourite people to be around, they made me feel valued and that I belonged. As I said it ebbs and flows so this year I expect it to be on a better footing.
When It comes to friends it also ebbs and flows. The two standouts from last year and these year are two close male friends of mine. One is here in Nairobi and another one is in another continent altogether but the one constant is how unequivocally myself I am whenever we talk or meet. I don't ever feel they have expectations of me that I cannot meet or decisions I make are up for discussion as to whether they meet some alleged standard. There's no pressure to maintain the friendships as we both put in as much as we expect. We have also more or else been going through similar life trajectories hence more common ground to relate I suppose. Mostly its effortless. I think i'm beginning to value effortless relationships as I age. Where two people meet each other where they are with no need to repair, advice, mend , mold and you take each other as enough. With these two people I never feel less than or too much. Our friendship is not an after thought but neither does it intrude on other significant relationships we may have .
I have several close female friendships and I could not imagine my life without them but as with instance of family they ebb and flow in terms of how at ease we are with each other. I think its to be expected and I realized it actually works for me. As extroverted as I am , I also have long periods where I withdraw into myself and my own life. I'm in that phase where I'm good with most of my close female friends but also kind of detached in some way that is hard to pen down. If I had to pick one in this year who when I'm with I like myself the most it would be my high school friend who was my room mate, now business partner but biggest cheerleader in this life to be unequivocally myself. She was the first person I had over at my house on the day I moved.
The question I most relate to is the second one that touches on moments rather than people. “At what times do you most like yourself?” At the top of my head when I'm laughing so carefree for the moment just at ease enjoying whatever it is or whoever it is that made me laugh. When I focus on something and achieve a goal against all odds, usually the result is not even the best part but the process. I had a styling client the weekend that I had moved and all she needed was a consultation but for that one hour I really thought I was bad ass and it was because it was this natural thing flowing from me to someone I had just met but who listening to their life i could so relate and I could do something that on the face of it could be construed as insignificant yet I could see the palpable confidence, delight and excitement that it brought in them. I like myself the most in moments when I am being relevant and making impact in people be it those known to me or strangers