Divine creativity equals unusual me

My friend lost her baby boy this week. A beautiful baby. This was so close home that the reality of it hasn't hit home. It doesn't make sense to most people but I keep saying 'it was their first child; their only child.' Its so tragic. Words fail me for in all honesty I can't say I get what my friend is going through and so yesterday I watched helplessly as she broke down as they lowered the body of her son who in one weeks time was to turn 1. In all this pain God is still sovereign...His mercies are still new each and every morning. All I could do was hug my friend for at times words are trite...

In an ideal world Jill would be able to sit across Jack and tell him all this, but we don't live in Utopia. So I will pass on Jill's message and Jack you may or may never get this. For the fun times, she is utterly grateful. The laughs and the silly talks were awesome. She told me 'Tell him I think he is awesome' she felt she could never tell you that herself,or that she likes you, or that she misses you. She said that it wasn't so much that she lacked courage to utter the words,but more to the instinct that warned her that some unspoken rule would be broken. You are so different from what she has known so far. That's a good thing but mostly it just frustrates her. While her bloke pals rush to open up to her, you are so closed up like a clam. She equates being a confidante to being valued and trusted, ergo her conclusion that she is of no value to you nor do you regard her as trustworthy. She said she heard you when talked as to the cause of your tendency to be closed up. She appreciates the fact that you told her and finally she is beginning to grasp the practical implication of that. More than anything she is truly sorry for pushing and pushing...her main drive was to spend more time with you and not to make you feel hounded and pressurized...it drove her insane trying to work out if you liked her and were interested in her...it hurt her that you did not seek her out or ever seem to miss her or actively plan to spend time with her...then she would recall the "walls" and that its not easy...and she empathized more than you would ever know...it was cool even when it wasn't ok...SHE WAS WAS THE ONE With EXPECTATIONS...Jill said that she was letting go of these expectations...it's a bit sad coz it meant closing the door to you jack...but not to you as her friend...so Jack hope you heard her, if she slips once in a while, its cool: it's never that serious...So said a wise woman.

I'm currently reading Empress Orchid by Anchee Min. I like her style of writing. I first encountered her when reading Katherine. Its amazing how both memoirs of a geisha and empress orchid raise a similar expectation yet are set in such vastly different countries. It challenges my preconcieved notion of the orient as a unit rather than the diverse amalgam that it is. A poem from Anchee Min's book struck a chord in me: Like a singing river, you break out to flow freely. I am the mountain behind; happily I watch you. Memory of us full and sweet