Samuel's reaction on seeing Eliab was my reaction on meeting H at the beginning of this year . My heart leaped and felt that surely this is the man I get to know and eventually build something meaningful with. Surely God has sent him to me. I prayed when I met him and I prayed when I felt he was becoming important to me. I prayed when I got scared that I could fall for him and he could hurt me. I prayed when we disagreed no matter how trivial, the disagreement would be. I prayed that God would teach me how to love him as he deserved to be loved as I also prayed that God would teach him how to love me as I needed to be loved. I fearfully prayed that if he was not meant to be in my life then God would take him from my life.

Again like Samuel I used my limited human eyes and mind to conclude that sure this is he. Yesterday at that reception it was like God was whispering to me, 'beloved, let it go. Let him go. He was not the best thing to happen to you. I see beyond what your human heart and mind can conceive. I look at who a person really is and that true element of who they are is not hidden from me' God was reminding me that never has He forsaken me or stopped being on my team. The next verses go on to detail one brother after another being presented yet not being the one chosen. God is reminding me to be patient and trust the process

I honestly believe that God knows me better than I know myself . He knows those deep seated desires that I cannot even dare articulate . So yeah I may have to meet several non-starters or not, regardless of that fact, the lesson in all that is to trust that I have entrusted my hearts desires and dreams to Him. He is faithful to keep that treasure for that day he has appointed. It will be well. I seem to have lost that hope and belief. I will get it back. That joy of life and belief that life is indeed good. The sun will shine again. Most days I am surprisingly okay and all engrossed with other aspects of my life. Some days are indeed like that but morning does come so it is okay