I love The Fray…like insanely and below is a song I have probably posted like a million times. Last year at time like this I did not know that in a few weeks my life would change in way my mind would never imagine but at this time I was in love and all happy like a lark so to say. Ignorance is either a curse or bliss as most so often claim. The person who introduced me to this song told me that this song became meaningful to them when they were going through some pretty dark times and hence for him the song should have been named ‘where were you?’ at which I would passionately disagreed saying the song is aptly named for indeed when all is said and done God does find us..for me the song has a spiritual aspect…and a romantic aspect….weird I know..but the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
I posted this song coz at this point I so get where dude says he meets God at a corner smoking his last smoke..I used to think that is so blasphemous and all..but to me it’s real..not that I think God puffs away but the imagery is where all ceremony, pretense and masks are flung aside and all remains is the naked truth..the ugly nasty ugly truth…but truth nonetheless. There is a quote I once heard on one of my favourite shows that says ‘When it hurts so much you can’t breathe; that’s how you stay alive’
I look at my life and I want to hide under some big rock and wake up and find out that this is NOT my life. That is what is driving the sporadic but frantic need to use anything to escape the reality that is my life be it alcohol or partying or people. It is self destructive but facing my life is even more unbearable. The truth is I never really escape it. It’s like my last year of campus is being rewound with triple the disappointment, the disillusion, and more dire consequences from my escapism. The Fray’s song cable car has a line that says ‘I wish you were a stranger I could disengage’…I wish I were a stranger to myself so I could detach completely but my thoughts are with me even at those moments when I should be losing myself in something or someone.
Probably melodramatic but I have no idea where my life is going. If I even have career let alone a job. At this point the question that keeps haunting me is whether I made a fatal decision in terms of my job. More than that is WHAT NEXT? Do I throw more money after bad money in a manner of speaking./ time is a luxury I do not have. How do I redeem the time I have spent in this company? Do I stay? Do I cut my losses and walk? Where I’m I going? Do I want to stay in the same industry? Is this some sign that maybe it’s time to give LCF a serious consideration? In those moments when I am perfectly still…like just before I fall asleep when I am half awake and half asleep…it’s like it’s some seductive pull like that is what I should be doing and maybe I am currently where I am because I have not completely sold myself to this career path….I don’t know….as I said Lost and Insecure…All I know it is unacceptable for me to be at this same exact pitiful detestable place next year…I would rather even join the bandwagon an get married…and we all know my opinion on that…
My faith in God is so on the line. I am asking Him where is He?....Why is He not doing something?....If He is…..what is happening?....I feel surrounded and I’m like dear Lord please help…you know how much it’s more than just the job….I NEED HELP…
That said and done…This year I am hosting on Christmas day….It’s never been my favourite days but this year I am changing that….of course with a rooftop party to cap it…and New YEARS which is like my favourite holiday will be spent with my friends out of town…Happy Holidays people…It’s never that serious
Lyrics to You Found Me :
I found God... on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West... was all but won
All alone... smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?"... He said, "Ask anything".
Where were you... when everything was falling apart.
All my days... were spent by the telephone
It never rang... and all I needed was a call
That never came... to the corner of 1st and Amistad
Lost and insecure... you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor... surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?... Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late... you found me, you found me.
But in the end... everyone ends up alone
Losing her... the only one who's ever known
Who I am... who I'm not and who I wanna place
No way to know... how long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure... you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor... surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?... Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late... you found me, you found me...
The early morning... the city breaks
And I've been calling... for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve... taking all I want
Lost and insecure... you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor... Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure... you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor... surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?... Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late... you found me, you found me!
Why'd you have to wait... to find me, to find me?
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