A series of emails I sent to the electric company when I was bored and slightly drunk…

Dear Electric Company:

I once heard that if you’re in the shower during an electrical storm you could get electrocuted by the lightning. Is that true?

Hugs, Jenny

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Dear Electric Company:

Me again. I kind of need to know this right away. I’m in the shower right now and I think I should be fine because the electricity is off because of the storm so there’s not any electricity to shock me, right? Please confirm.

~Jenny

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Dear Electric Company:

Okay, now I’m afraid to get out of the shower. You know, like when you’re in a car that’s touched by a live-wire and you’re safe inside the car as long as you’re not touching metal but the minute you put your foot on the ground the electricity jumps out and kills you somehow? I’m kind of afraid that’s going to happen and that I’m going to get electrocuted. Now I can’t get out of the shower. Please respond as soon as possible.

~ Jenny

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Dear Electric Company:

Why are you not responding? This is not a prank. I’m writing from my shower on my laptop. It’s running on battery power though so no chance of electrocution there. I’m not an idiot. I really want to get out of the shower. Please help.

~Jenny

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Dear Electric Company:

Okay, I just looked it up on the internet and it says that you CAN get electrocuted if you’re in the shower but it doesn’t say the best way to get out if you’re already in there. You guys suck. Also, my laptop is sparking. Is that normal? Because it feels like I’m going to black out a little.

~Jenny

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Dear Electric Company:

Hi. Me again. I’m just sitting here in my shower looking up all the ways electricity can murder you. WTF, Electric Company? THAT SHIT WILL KILL YOU. You are like a drug dealer because now I’m addicted to electricity and it’s probably going to kill me. Thanks a lot, Electric Company. I’m going to jump out of the shower now and try not to touch the water or any metal before I hit the ground. If I don’t make it, please know that I blame you.

~ Jenny

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Dear Electric Company:

I made it. And by “made it” I mean that I slipped on the wet floor and shattered my pelvis. Way to go, Electric Company. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t have tried to play God and harness the power of lightning. I think I’m blacking out again. Please send an ambulance.

~ Jenny

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Dear Electric company:

Did you know that you aren’t the only electric company in Houston? Me either. But turns out that you aren’t even my electric company. I can only assume this is why you never called an ambulance for me. Because people who aren’t your customers deserve shattered pelvises, I guess. You should totally make that your new slogan. You guys are assholes.

~ Jenny