You haunt me.....i decide to leave you....at the altar...yet you follow me...almost like a ghost that seeks vengeance.....i plead that you may leave me in peace....i have paid my price and...my actions are ever before me..but even then you still haunt me...i lack words to name you...for with a name we clothe whatever it is we are naming and it comes of of the darkness of the unknown to the light of the known...

You haunt me..yet i have done that which was seemingly impossible....i cut off my very limb...yet why does it feel like it is still there...i did what i thought was right..so where is the vindication ? why this suffering...i want to move ahead yet your tentacles hold me..or am i subconsciously holding on to you..yet each day i wake up..and let you go..and each day...i feel your presence ever firmly in place...i dread the nights for then my mind betrays me....and ventures into lands i want to stay clear of...

I am no longer sure of the very things that were the rocks upon which i stood...you see me so clearly and yet i have to stop seeing you as clearly...the forbidden beckons yet it will destroy me...but i have to wonder if this very struggle will make me lose my mind and in the end destroy me..either way....i lose no matter what i do..or is kit thoughts of you..or rather thoughts of what could have been that shackle me to you..that each time i attempt to escape...i find myself crawling back to the dungeon that is you

Love be kind....love be patient...for another day i must believe you will take another persona...for now you just hurt me.....i cannot trust you...for you have led me to this dungeon..you crept up on me stealthily like a thief..and like a naive village woman i let you in my domain thinking you were friend only to find you out for the foe that you are...you defend yourself that you are on my side...but the pain you have wrought on me...how can you justify that...maybe when i win this war that is ever waging in me..maybe i will hold your hand again in trust...fro he still haunts me

There is a song by Dolly Parton that i heard some weeks back....and i hope to recall it each nad every time i justify the unjustifiable

Artist: Parton Dolly
Song: Don't Let Me Cross Over
Album: Treasures

I'm tempted my darlin' to steal you away
Don't let me cross over, stay out of my way
'Cause you know that I love you and I'm not the stealin' kind
But I'm faced with heartache here at love's cheating line

Don't let me cross over love's cheating line
You belong to another and can never be mine
I know one step closer would be heaven divine
Don't let me cross over love's cheating line

I've tried to forget you but what else can I do
When your eyes keep saying that you want me too
And I know if I lose you not a dream will I have left
I don't want to cheat dear, but I can't help myself

Don't let me cross over love's cheating line
You belong to another and can never be mine
I know one step closer would be heaven divine
Don't let me cross over love's cheating line

Don't let me cross over love's cheating line