I am known as the one person who loves my birthday and makes a big deal out of it. For some reason I am very ambivalent about this birthday. I'm not scared of growing old but I just lack that excitement I usually have in spades during my birthday. The only other birthday I've ever been meh about was 26 as I felt it was all so boring. Each year I like to do a prebirthday post to just share some thoughts or lessons I've learnt and I will try to do that.
1. Turning thirty was awesome beyond what I ever imagined it to be. I was validated. The confidence, the self awareness and self acceptance is so much more valuable that all that upheaval that was my twenties.
2. Sadly some of my optimism, hope and naivete has been chipped away. I am less sure that tomorrow is assured or that most of my dreams will materialize . The sense of invincibility is gone. Suddenly my peers and I face health fears, or such tremendous loss be it of our loved ones or careers. Death and sickness are no longer such far fetched notions but rather a very real and grim possibility.I guess with that is also a realisation that your family are not some accessory to be taken for granted but rather such a vital part of you that may not always be there thus making them even more precious. The upside of this realisation is one gets clarity on what and who matters.
3. Control is an illusion. One of the biggest lessons I've learnt this past year. Life will throw enough curve balls to let you know that the plans we so love to make and depend on are almost meaningless. At first this is a jarring realisation and makes the world such a scary place, but eventually it also makes you realise that it is somewhat freeing in the sense that you stop worrying about things that are beyond your control and concentrate on appreciating what you have .
4. Tenacity, grit and patience. There are moments when I have felt like I am crawling through life with barely enough strength to take the next step but the inner quality to keep fighting even when quitting would be the easier choice has carried me. That quality is a flame fanned by yourself, your thoughts, your faith, and your support system. If nothing else, I have learnt the very paramount necessity of a reliable support system. More than that I have learnt that as human beings we are more resilient than we believe.