I wrote this like four months ago at the 'request'(read bullying) of my friend who keeps saying my life is like her own drama show...

It’s no great secret that I was a tomboy while young and perhaps some of my bizarre tendencies in adulthood can be attributed to the antics I got up to while in my Huckleberry Finn phase. Over new year’s I was with one of my oldest friends and she said that she likes the fact that even after my parents moved to Suburbia it did not change who I was. I always say that I have lived in all sorts of places and so none of it gets to me. Home for me is where you are safe in every aspect of that word and not necessarily the most expensively decorated mansion but rather where comfort and those you hold dear reside in harmony. I once lived in a place most would refer to a slum but to me it was home. It’s where from childhood I forged some of the most sincere relationships I will ever have in my life. We lived in a four storey flat. Most families lived in one or two roomed houses and I saw some of the most content and well adjusted families than I have ever seen in the suburbs. In fact until I changed schools to join a private school I didn’t know my home was something to be ashamed of or something that others could use as a basis to judge me less worthy than them but that is a story for another day.

As is common in every community with adults and children, there will be one or two adults who will be the bane of the kids who in their play irritate the hell out of these adults. In our hood there was one particular woman and being young we knew her as so and so’s mother. Let’s call her Mama Naleka or Naleka’s mum. To us this woman was an Amazon and a scary one at that for she would just start talking (screaming it seemed to us) and we would all scatter even if she was two blocks away. Naleka often received pitying looks from the rest of us as we knew she had to go home at night and face what seemed to us a monster of a mother. This woman liked to scold us for no particular reason and it being the nineties she was also known to slap and pinch anyone’s child for whatever infraction she imagined without the threat of the police being involved as would be the case if this woman attempted to pull such a stunt in this day and age. On one occasion we were playing with water on the fourth floor of the flat unaware that Naleka’s mum had somehow washed her mattress and hung it out. It should come as no surprise that Naleka used to wet her bed even at the old age of nine years but who are we to judge? So we kept throwing buckets of water at each other in all direction and as you can imagine the mattress kept getting soaked and soaked. In all the noise we did not hear the woman climbing the stairs and starting to slap all and sundry. Most of the boys were quick on their feet hence escaped except D’Mosh as we used to call him and Kama who got such resounding slaps that I in my fear tried to crawl in between this woman’s legs to reach the staircase to escape. Stupid Move! She grabbed me and twisted my ear sore till I thought I would lose it in her hand...in all these I do not know who was screaming louder; me in my pain or her in her rage! I somehow managed to escape. Of course it meant we had to stay away till it was almost dark to get back to our homes meaning another set of punishment from our parents due to coming home late and dirty as we had not showered . To add insult to injury this had happened just before lunch hence we were so hungry as the only money we had between us was five shillings which we bought chili mangoes and trust me for nine , ten and eleven year olds that is not sufficient food. We met later and decided we should do something to this woman who had caused us such pain. This was during the August holidays. Earlier, during the April holidays while playing hide and seek Nyambura and I had hid on the stairway corner since the bulb was spoilt and in the process had unwittingly scared one woman who went screaming so much she almost broke her leg. Of course we found it so funny as we ran away. This is what we planned for Naleka’s mum who was friend’s with Alex’s mum on first floor and for all who lived in the flat knew that every evening they would meet to gossip as is common for housewives. So D’mosh who was like the ringleader of our group and the oldest at eleven suggested he would go to some nearby pond and catch a frog which we would use to further scare Naleka’s mum.
So on the day Domi and Nana were chosen to be the executors while I would be at the gate to be a look out while Kama would be on the first floor balcony to see if Alex’s mum was around. The rest would wait in the playground near our flat. Domi was chosen to hold the frog in a paper bag as none of the girls would hold it and he was small enough to hide while nana held a feather to be used on the victim’s leg to further scare her. To fully get a clear picture the corner stairway was completely dark as no one could be bothered to replace the bulbs in shared areas and the landlord could not be bothered and as is the case in Kenyan Landlord-tenant relationship the scale is more often than not tilted heavily to the landlord’s side with no real recourse for the tenant. Back to the planned attack, Naleka’s mum climbed the stairway as was her habit only to start screaming and running at such a speed that made a joke of her size. She was literally crying and screaming ‘Uchawi! Uchawi!” which translated means witchcraft. We all had to run off to the playground for we knew if that crazy woman found us we would be dead meat. Of course we were laughing so hard at the sight of this fearsome woman crying like a baby. So after some time we went up to find out what was happening upstairs as others had come out of their houses to see what was causing such a commotion. To find this woman in the middle of a crowd on the corridors saying how her mother from upcountry had visited not too long ago and had said someone did not wish her well and had gone to the witchdoctors to cast a spell. The mother believed it was her co-wife Naleka’s mum stepmother. The way she was telling it you would definitely think it was fact. I had to run behind someone to giggle while covering my mouth. She then went on to ask why a frog would jump on her foot in a flat if not sent by evil spirits. Needless to say the nightly visits to gossip became rare. It did not stop the woman from tormenting us but each time she would do so…we would recall her screams while running off and it would even the scales.
The amazing thing none of us ever thought of bullying her child as sometimes happens if the parent is a bully. I figure everyone figured she was unlucky enough. My father usually says that be careful as you punish the eldest child for to hurt you he will wait and beat up the youngest child since he is not able to beat you back. Well the kids from my hood found a way to get back to Mama Naleka directly if not undercover